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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Valentine's day is right around the corner. Me: No worries, so is Wal-Mart."

"What do you call a waffle that's been buried in sand? Sandiego (The first joke I ever made as a kid)"

"Things I'm doing today * going to the gym * having sex * lying"

"TIL Trampolines were originally called Jumpolines.. ..until your mom jumped on one."

"Did you hear about the ghost who learnt to fly? He was pleased to be back on terror-firma."

"Marriage counselling because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they're being an ass."

"Christian men should have sexual orientation listed as bi... ...because they love Jesus"

"Everyone thought the swordsmith was very persuasive He made a good point"

"Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar."

"""Daddy?"" ""Yes?"" ""What are you doing?"" ""Writing a fictional conversation so I can post it on Twitter."""