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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather always said, ""Be envied, not envious."" I wish I'd thought of that quote."

"Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at."

"Alan Turing was so gay it was illegal"

"A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes."

"My teacher always hated my answers to her math questions. ""If I have 6 candy bars in one hand and 7 in the other, what do I have?"" Diabetes?"

"What do you call it when an ex pees on you? EX-STREAM!"

"*Steals parking spot from guy backing in* Him:*middle finger* Me: [rolls down window] I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. I ALSO AM NOT MARRIED"

"She said yes! Unfortunately, the question was ""Are you sure you want to break up?"""

"Never trust someone who runs for ""fun."""

"Some guy at a party asked me, ""Who's cheese is on those chips?"" [Fixed] And I said, ""Well, obviously *na-chos*."" Get it? It sounds like '*not yours*' with an accent."