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Joke of the Day

"What does cows say when they want someone to move? Muuuuuuuuuuuuhve..........."

"I'm rich! But not in money, just in read receipts from my ex-boyfriend who never replies!"

"Two termites go on a date.. Waiter: what would you like to order sir? Termite: Table for two."

"I just had a nice lunch in the park; homeless people don't have it so bad after all."

"BREAKING: Popeye Expresses Outrage as Pope Goes to Mount Olive"

"Did you hear about the clam that could play violin? It had excellent mussel memory."

"Why did the narcissist with multiple personalities and a propensity for domestic violence only have one black eye? Because she didn't need to re-beat himself."

"I grew up in a very sheltered household. Our house had 17 roofs. We had alcoves upon alcoves. I wore a tarp wherever I went."

"How does a chemist introduce Batman? Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!"

"I was doing some DIY the other day and took out my step ladder... I don't get on with my real ladder."