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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that green and brown patterned toilet that exploded? It was a Camo-Khazi... FYI Khazi is British slang for a toilet, so now you know!"

"""hey dad, when did they outlaw hyperboles?"" ""hmm i dont know son, like a bajillion million years ago? idiot"" *cops bust down door*"

"""OH MY GOD IS THAT GLUTEN ON THE FLOOR!?!?!"" Great way to clear the checkout lines at Whole Foods."

"[Dinosaur Rap Battle] We're gonna win this for sure! ""Wait, what kind of dinosaurs are we again?"" WE'RE RAPTORS! Jesus Christ Owen"

"[Deathbed Confession] I wish I'd listened to my girlfriend more often. Especially as I crossed the road after she yelled BUS."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day... teach a man to fish and you create a market for bait and tackle."

"Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up."

"When people tell me, ""It's easy as Pi"" I tell them that they're being irrational"

"Not having tattoos is suddenly a great way to express your individuality."

"Why don't ants get sick? They have little antibodies"