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Joke of the Day

"What's the Difference between a Girl and a Woman? Prison"

"What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone's life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?"

"[Gameshow] Host: ""You are one question away from our grand prize. How do you feel?"" Me: ""With my hands."" Host: ""Correct!"" *crowd goes nuts*"

"What's the worst part of an NFL wedding? Getting hit by Rice"

"Why didnt the shrimp let anyone else eat? He was being SHELLFISH"

"I was in a second hand shop. ""I was wondering if you had any condoms?"" I asked the owner. ""Don't be ridiculous,"" he remarked, ""Of course not."" I said, ""You're a brave guy, I like your style."""

"ME: My New Year's resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) ...vegetables."

"What's green and hurts when it hits you in the eye? A snooker table"

"What is a cat's favorite breakfast? Mice crispies."

"I miss the 1980s when cell phones were big enough to cover your face if you saw someone you knew walking toward you."