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Joke of the Day

"The man who invented the jigsaw has died. May he rest in pieces."

"If you think the world is getting more unsafe, violent and unpredictable, the 13th century would like a word with you."

"Why do women have short feet? So they can stand closer to the sink"

"you have heard ""A pint is a pound"" ... .. and that is a seriously high petrol price. I know. It's not that good. Nor even that funny. But it's coming. Happy Halloween."

"What do you call it when a chickpea gets killed? Hummuside"

"BREAKING: FBI discovers that Hillary's 30,000 deleted emails were all Facebook notifications from Biden tagging her on cat videos."

"Porn has lied to me. The repairman doesn't show up instantly after I call."

"*on my deathbed* *groggy, dazed, & delirious* Me: I wonder if my TC ever really loved me? Wife: Honey, what's a TC? Me: *pulls plug*"

"I think I'm overcoming dyslexia. I learned a new abbreviation today: DNA, or National Dyslexic Association."

"I keep getting a message that ""Twitter is having issues""nnGood job guys...we drove twitter crazy!"