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Joke of the Day

"""Hello, barman? Give me another drink!"" I yelled. He said, ""I think you've had enough, sir."" ""What makes you say that?"" I laughed. He said, ""I'm a taxi driver."""

"My girlfriend keeps telling me i need a job... I said ""with your hands or your mouth?"""

"I've never been booed off stage. I've never been booed off stage! Sure, I've been booed on stage plenty of times... but never off stage. In honor of Mitch Hedberg. RIP."

"What's the difference between an oyster shucker with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits and the other fucks between shits."

"I ordered the Club Salad for lunch.. I asked waitress ""What all comes in the club salad?"" She said ""Lettuce, turnip, the beat"""

"Mom, I'm sleeping wit the neighbour -That's unacceptable young lady! He could be your Dad! -But Mom, you don't understand. Age doesn't matter for true love! -I didn't say anything about age ..."

"How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing? Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through."

"What's the difference between a dwarf and an STD? Ones a cunning runt the other is a running cunt."

"Poodles are just angry clouds with legs."

"What do you call mixing hard liquor into coffee? Getting ready for work"