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Joke of the Day

"Hey, do you like analogies? I got plenty! I got analogy to rabbits, analogy to grass, analogy to mold..."

"How do you plant dope? Bury a blonde."

"Where does bad light end up? In a prism."

"""We're not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!"" might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs."

"""Hey, did you hear about the blonde that lost over 85% of her intelligence?"" ""No, actually. How'd it happen?"" ""I dunno, but I hear that it happened at around the same time her husband died."""

"I love to have deep conversations at 12:59 I love those 1-to-1 conversations"

"Me [sneezes]: excuse me Guy at the bus stop: [starts crying] my ex used me too, man."

"Pssst! I'm voting. Does anyone know the answer to #4? And who do I show my tits for extra credit? That old lady doesn't look interested."

"When I think of a good tweet in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late."

"Did you hear there was a blackout last night? Don't worry, we caught him"