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Joke of the Day

"When I think of a good tweet in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late."

"Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his tongue? He took a bite before it was cool."

"The very first thing you learn in life is how to think outside the box."

"Did you guys hear about that Egyptian con-artist? Turns out he was running a pyramid scheme all along."

"Women are like parking spaces.... All the good ones are gone, so every now and then when no one is looking, you stick it in a disabled one."

"For Halloween I'll give a girl a purple Yu-hi-oh card and a crown.. So she can be my trap queen."

"What's the difference between PHP and PCP? One makes you: * feel numb * see things that aren't there * panicked and paranoid * feel loss of control over your actions. The other is a synthetic drug."

"A woman came in for a job interview wearing an abacus on her head. I hired her right on the spot. It's so hard to find employees who you can count on."

"Bought a Clap-On Clap-Off light for my bedroom Nearly gave the hooker a seizure during a rough session."

"What's the worst thing about being a black Jew? You have to sit at the back of the oven."