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Joke of the Day

"Looking out the hospital window while mom is resting on bed. That was either dad or superman falling of the roof."

"What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called? A singer"

"i love that kanye gets into very specific beefs with ppl i have to google but he's nice enough to say both their first & last name"

"Great... This guy double parked his porsche, and now I've got paint all in my keys."

"What would Forest Gump's Password be? 1Forest1"

"Some cunt in a nightclub came up to me and said, ""I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha."" I replied, ""20 x 0 = 0."" That shut the fucker up."

"How did the knight know that his armor was made in China? He found a chink in it."

"Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell."

"I was gonna open a clothing store for midgets... ... but the market was too small."

"People with FB statuses like, ""I'm so angry right now"", then when someone says, ""What's up?"" they reply, ""I'll text you."" WHAT ABOUT US?"