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Joke of the Day

"People with FB statuses like, ""I'm so angry right now"", then when someone says, ""What's up?"" they reply, ""I'll text you."" WHAT ABOUT US?"

"A bar walks into a man The bar says, this place stinks, and the only other person here is an asshole."

"Healthy human blood must be a low-carb meal... Because it's the most-keto diet."

"How is pussy like veal? It tastes sweeter the younger it is."

"As a boy, I went to a Catholic School... It was a pain in the ass."

"INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? SLOTH: *Points to another part of the building* Around there maybe"

"Hitting the snooze button... ... Is just starting your day off with a nap."

"What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker ? A bird that talks in morse code !"

"If you say a number loud enough its value increases. * 5 = 5 * 5! = 120"

"How many SCPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [DATA EXPUNGED]"