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Joke of the Day

"Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell."

"How much does a birdhouse cost? I don't know the exact price but I know they're pretty cheep"

"Jeez make one joke about putting cyanide in someone's food and suddenly they don't want you to cook for them anymore"

"The abusive relationship that I'm in is such a joke I spend everyday waiting for the punchline."

"At my school, the cafeteria has ""World Cuisine"" day once a week, in which one foreign nation's traditional cuisine is on the menu. Last week, the country was Ethiopia... ...they served us nothing."

"The thing I love most about this summer weather is the short shorts and tube tops.. ... Though, they do make me look a bit gay."

"If I ever go missing... I would like my photo but on wine bottles instead of milk cartons. This way my friends will know where to look for me."

"How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a whole emergency room to remove it."

"TIM: how are you? ME: it's Monday TIM: yeah ME: the sun is up TIM: are u just listing facts? ME: lettuce is a member of the sunflower family"

"Today's Generation ""omg my parents never let me have anything."" via iPhone"