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Joke of the Day

"My Grandpa said to me the other day, ""Your generation relies too much on technology"" I replied, "" no your generation relies too much on technology"" then I unplugged his life support. Stupid asshole"

"A gay and a lesbian are going to the airport. Who gets there first? The lesbian. She got there lickity split while the gay guy was still packing his shit."

"Dad: Why do you smell like weed? Me: How do you know what weed smells like?! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy :("

"What do you call a fallen tree in a forest? Natural log. Sorry about the math joke."

"Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing."

"Where do bourgeois monarchists get their coffee? Tsarbucks"

"* changes bedsheets, 14 socks fall out * Hmmm... * apologizes to the dryer *"

"What is ISIS's favorite type of text? Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading"

"If I ever go missing.. you should put my picture on beer rather than milk bottles. This way, my friends will find me faster."

"How do you know a guitarist is sad? They start to fret."