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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar.... ....with a pile of shit in his hands and says hey, look what I nearly stepped in..."

"My kid said he was gonna jump off the roof using a blanket as a parachute and I was like ""That won't work you idiot. Go get my umbrella""."

"What is a pirate's favorite TV show? EEEEEE-YARRRRRRRR"

"Spain's king, Juan Carlos, has stepped down from the throne to make way for his son, who is more popular. Which, by the way, would be the worst ""Game of Thrones"" episode ever."

"What kind of music does a mummy like? (W)rap music!"

"always carrying a megaphone in case you have to sigh at someone far away"

"I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn't answered a phone call since 2008."

"Jared Fogle began and ended his career the same way... Trying to get into smaller pants"

"What did the guy who got fired for always being late say? It was just a matter of time."

"Dear Reddit, what your least favorite punchlines? Whoops, wrong sub"