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Joke of the Day

"I was fired from Ford today I kept losing focus"

"""What's it like being a female comic?"" ""Well, you get asked what it's like being a female comic a lot."""

"Why was hitler's suicide such a suprise? Because we did nazi it coming"

"Why does ISIS drink instant coffee? Because they hate French press!"

"What happens to lawyers after they die? They lie still."

"If I'm busy and see an interesting article, I open it in a new tab, read the first paragraph, and later, when I have time, close the tab"

"I'll be over there in a second Just give me a minute"

"Sex is like ping pong. I suck at it."

"I never understood how you got dick from Richard. Apparently you just get him drunk first."

"What if Obama keeps the nuclear codes in a folder on his desktop called ""Missile-aneous""? That'd be cute."