150992

Joke of the Day

"""So you met the victim on tinder"" Yes ""Do you often meet women on tinder""? Yeah I've been murdering it on there *lawyer puts head in hands*"

"Alright, alright. You can all have jet packs! [two days later] Reporter: Another 8000 dead today due to sky rage."

"What does the devil say to hell rejects? Why don't you fork off"

"Where do bee's go to the bathroom? At the BP station."

"True love is waking up in the middle of the night just to watch your laptop while it sleeps."

"I cheated on my wife once. We were playing monopoly and when she wasn't looking I stole some of her money. Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister."

"I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair."

"Knock Knock.. Whos there?---Broken Pencil---Broken Pencil who? --*pauses for a second*-- ---nevermind, its pointless.."

"why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE"

"How do you know if a fortune-teller is shit? You knock on her door and she shouts ""Who is it?""."