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Joke of the Day
"True love is waking up in the middle of the night just to watch your laptop while it sleeps."
Next Joke
"Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. W: god I hate you. M: yes, use your hate"
"The hardest part about dying is finding a body double to sit in a coffin for you while you take off to party island."
"Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants."
"What do you call a drunk elf? Legless"
"What do you call two lesbians in a fist fight? A Muffle Ruffle."
"I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle It took me 2 years but I was well chuffed seeing as the box said 6-10 years."
"A big upside to marriage is never having to take time to google shit, your spouse already knows everything."
"A man was on an escalator.. When all of a sudden it went very fast. He arrived at the top, turned around and said.. ""well that escalated quickly""."
"I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don't feed me and I'll kill everyone."