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Joke of the Day

"Heard this one from WWE. Were you born on the highway? No, why? Because that's where most accidents happen!"

"Fun tip - instead of going on vacation with a baby, stand outside until you're sunburned, then light $1,000 on fire."

"Where does Putin negotiate? The Crimea River"

"What does this joke's punchline & a 50 foot penis have in common? You can see them coming from miles away."

"My dyslexic uncle was suicidal... He kept jumping behind trains"

"If a girl is preventing you from reaching your goal then she's a keeper"

"Wife asked me to fix a plug for her this morning... I refused."

"Shaking hands is so weird: ""Nice to meet you, have some germs and dead skin cells."""

"{Date} ME: I have to warn you, I'm the jealous type WAITER: What would you folks like? HER: I'll have the s- ME: WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?!?"

"It was my five year old daughter's school play last night. I haven't enjoyed myself so much in years! I didn't go."