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Joke of the Day

"What are the 2 sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken, brown cow. (say outloud for full effect)"

"Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What??? Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter"

"The problem of guns in schools would be eliminated if society finally had the courage to outlaw schools."

"ME: [sees old friend with new wife] Hey congrats on the wedding! Where did you marry? HIM: Maui ME: Oh, sowwy! Where did you mawwy her?"

"What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig ? A boar constrictor !"

"I wish corn would teach other foods how to explode into a different food that's 10 times better."

"Did you guys hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents."

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."

"I just realized that my sex life is like my movie habits. I stick it in, lean back, and fall asleep halfway through."

"ME: I have chronic pain. It flares up whenever someone challenges my beliefs FRIEND: That's not really how chronic pain works ME: ow owwww"