30105

Joke of the Day

"ME: I have chronic pain. It flares up whenever someone challenges my beliefs FRIEND: That's not really how chronic pain works ME: ow owwww"

"In a room full of idiots screaming their opinions at the top of their lungs, be the guy in the corner doing finger guns with his reflection."

"They say that blondes are dumb, but I've gotten a brunette to marry me too."

"I'm sorry but shits and giggles don't sound like things I want to have happen at the same time."

"Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder what happened to my roof"

"Seagull joke Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts? A: Steven Seagull"

"""Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"" Lucifer: Are you hitting on me?"

"Don't look at the address bar goddamnit ...So they did. (I'll bet you're curious what the actual title is. Wait til April 2nd to find out!)"

"My doctor said I shouldn't binge drink, so now I just drink all the time."

"i just went to a bar god damn, it was one sharp crowbar."