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Joke of the Day

"[Different] Why isn't Hitler in Mario Kart? Because he can Nazi the road."

"And the lord said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"" But john came fifth, and only won a toaster!"

"That moment when you finally get your lighter lit and expel a sigh of relief."

"The human liver can withstand up to 97% damage and make a full recovery. Yet not one doctor will accept this as an argument for alcoholism."

"Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works doesn't it?"

"Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it."

"Why did the sheep move house? The neighbours were baaastsrds."

"Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble."

"Photographer with really bad eyesight is the happiest because he doesn't need any lenses to see perfect bokeh."

"Yo Mama is so fat...when she took her shirt off at the strip clubeveryone thought she was Jabba The Hut from Star Wars"