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Joke of the Day

"And the lord said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"" But john came fifth, and only won a toaster!"

"The worst birthday present I ever got... ...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded ""because your mom said you grew a foot."""

"A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies ""Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."""

"When it comes to broken digits, who can point a finger as to the cause?"

"Behavioral (/ be_have_voyeural) Economics Q: why do some people pay WAY too much at auctions? A: more bid curiosity"

"What's the difference between a teabag and the English rugby team? A teabag stays in the cup longer..."

"Imagine me naked. Wrong. Fatter."

"What do you call a person who doesn't care that he just got kicked out of a Call of Duty team? *unfazed*"

"Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth."

"Why can't an eel and an eagle team up? Because it would be eel-eagle!"