150622

Joke of the Day

"My brother and I had a contest of who could cover their Christmas gifts the best. It was a wrap battle"

"Reese Whitherspoon may have lost her good girl image but she's still got her overinflated self worth..."

"What is the painless frequency? 0 Hz"

"Why did they plant trees in Harlem? Public transportation."

"I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one animal there and to make it even worse it was just a dog. It was a shit-zu"

"How do mathematicians become engineers? You just gotta apply yourself."

"What did the head say to the butt? Better to be ahead than behind."

"I hope no one I know ever has an emergency that they can't text me about. Because, answering my phone? No thanks."

"Sometimes I wish I were an octopus... so that I could slap 8 people at once."

"I'm not good at many things. But incest is where I come into my own."