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Joke of the Day

"So today my doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked ""Why?"" He says ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"What did one tile say when the other tile offered it a glass of port? No thanks, it's bad for my grout."

"What do you call a black guy on the moon? An Astronaut, you fucking racists."

"Hard to take the guy who made my sandwich seriously as an ""artisan"" when he seems so unperturbed by the way I rape his art"

"What did one tectonic plate say to the other after the earthquake? That was your fault!!!!"

"A horse walks into a bar and says, ""On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?"" The bartender says, ""Y, the long face."""

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.95, Deer nuts are under a buck."

"Why can't you feel photons? Because they are light."

"An atheist's response to witnessing the second coming of Christ. ""Well, I'll be damned."""

"What's the current number one song in Russia? Crimea river"