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Joke of the Day

"What's the current number one song in Russia? Crimea river"

"Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two."

"When people are kissing in public, it's weird how angry they get when you try and join in."

"My neighbor just died of an overdose. He forgot to take his homeopathic sleeping pills."

"""My god, it's the zombie apocalypse. Everyone grab the most critical items and get ready to run"" *me holding a Shrek 2 DVD* Way ahead of you"

"How do Mexicans greet Dr. Seuss? Jesus!"

"John Deere's manure spreader... ...is the only equipment the company won't stand behind."

"So an Irish guy walks out of a bar (Pause for effect)"

"""It's 3am and everyone is asleep. Must run into random rooms as fast as I can and jump on everything"" - cats"

"I thought the author of Harry Potter was a guy. J.K."