1503

Joke of the Day

"Two space shuttle crews watched Felix Baumgartner and thought: ""WE COULD HAVE HAD PARACHUTES?"""

"Vegetarian curry is like lesbian sex. Same amount of heat, none of the meat."

"What's black and white and has a dirty name? Sister Mary Fuckface"

"Mike Pence said that his Vice Presidential role model is Vice President Cheney. Huh. Who would've thought that after making so much LGBT discriminatory legislation that Pence loved Dick?"

"Whenever someone says they did something ""like a boss"" I assume that means they didn't do it at all and are taking credit for it."

"""I've an appointment with Dr Patel."" ""Dr Patel is off sick today so-"" [slowly backs away & whispers] ""U people can't even help yourselves."""

"What weighs 12lbs and won't be getting plucked this Christmas Scott Weilands guitar"

"What's the worst animal to play cards with? A cheetah. Because it'll rip your fucking face off."

"The larger the implants, the more likely she'll be confused by a push/pull door."

"I just think there are a lot more animals out there we could be eating."