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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst animal to play cards with? A cheetah. Because it'll rip your fucking face off."

"Velcro.. ..What a rip off."

"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar n."

"What do you call an assault which is both positive and negative? A battery."

"You wanna read a joke about Sodium? Na . . . What about Nitrosoxide NO . . . Umm... Potassium? K.."

"I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, ""Dad, you look like a lobster."" ""Oh no,"" I replied, ""Am I burning?"" She said, ""No. Just very ugly."""

"Jogging but instead lying in bed with your eyes shut."

"Fuck. Was just recorded by the google earth car. Just to be clear, I was jerking off NEAR pigeons, not TO them."

"What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a birth certificate? A birth certificate states the sex."

"Greek mythology is my Achilles ankle."