150115
Joke of the Day
"Do you before read your tweets even sending them?"
Next Joke
"Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him."
"I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life."
"""Moo."" - hipster sheep"
"A feminist one asked me ""What's your view on Lesbians""? I said ""1080p"""
"I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane"
"Why couldn't Princess Leia find love? She was looking in Alderaan places."
"I put my Grandma on speed dial... I call that instagram!"
"I got nothing better to do, dude in a Prius, I will absolutely follow you all the way home just to let you know you're a terrible driver"
"Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape"