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Joke of the Day

"Ebola gives new meaning to the phrase 'Eat Shit and Die.' Credit to my brother for coming up with that one!"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... I don't fucking like coffee."

"I was born to be happy... not normal."

"[baby is bouncing in swing seat] I I wish I had one of those. HER DAD They bring great joy. I (to self) Oh, he thinks I mean a baby."

"I tried to teach a class on how hard it is to make a Fibonacci Sequence. But it spiraled WAY out of control!"

"What kind of jeans does mario wear? [Denim denim denim.](http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) ^^^^^^shamelessly ^^^^^^stolen ^^^^^^from ^^^^^^tumblr"

"Why would anybody ask me anything when google exists?"

"Got laid off."

"My erection lasted for more than 4 hours. I called my doctor, but he didn't seem too impressed, so I showed it to some people at the mall."

"A 2-hour movie called ""Can You Watch My Kid For Like 15 Minutes?"""