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Joke of the Day

"[checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day"

"What do you call a Black Fisherman? Jailbait."

"What do boobs and Christmas trees have in common? When you see really nice ones, you have to ask if they are real or fake."

"Doctor: ""You have a hip injury."" Me: ""I am very trendy."""

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day"

"If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called... The Algorithms. I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :("

"I have a french gun for sale from WW1. In excellent condition. Never been used and only dropped once."

"Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick."

"I am now referring to my parents as numbers like you guys refer to your kids. 72 & 70 are coming to visit, send wine."

"Why was the broom late? because it overswept"