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Joke of the Day

"the year is 2048 twerking has become a sport the seas are now made of starbucks ugg boots are required by law"

"A pharmacy was broken into and the only thing stolen was a case of Viagra Police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals"

"Someone just tweeted something vague that made me think a celeb had died so I googled ""dead."" No dice! Thank god---hang in there, celebs!"

"I'm currently dating a woman that, like me, has Parkinson's and kleptomania. We're going to take things slow."

"America and Britain are in a race... to see who can fuck up their country more. Britain is winning at the moment but America sure has a Trump card."

"Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple? The lesbians. They get there lickity split while the gays are still packin it in!"

"""Oh my gosh, this is the biggest donut I've ever seen."" ""Mam, that's a tire."" ""Kids, get me a napkin."""

"So tell me, what do you think of the rectum as a whole?"

"""Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?"" (Dalai Lama job interview)"

"(NEW YEARS) what did the rabbi say on New year's. ""f#ck that, happy **Jew** years!!"""