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Joke of the Day
"Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus"
Next Joke
"What do you call a dark or melancholy verse of text? Poe-etry"
"What do you call an Asian guy that always shows up before he needs to? Earl Lee"
"My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert"
"Going to a bar within walking distance of my house reduces the likelihood that I will wake up partially clothed behind a dumpster tomorrow."
"How many tweakers does it take to change a lightbulb? Who wants to know?"
"I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs. ""No,"" she said, taking a sip of her water. I said, ""Well, you have now."""
"[police chase] FRIEND: ditch the stolen stuff ME: are u sure F: just do it M: *throws out stolen anchor and car comes to a screeching halt*"
"me: could my thighs get any bigger? *sits down* me: oh look now they're the size of Australia"
"""Pool"" in Spanish is ""Piscina"". They know."