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Joke of the Day

"How many dead hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know, but it's not five, because my basement is still dark."

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"Lambs: ""BAAAAAAAAA!!!"" Hannibal Lecter: ""Shhhhhh!"" Lambs: ""Baaaa!"" Hannibal Lecter: ""Shhhh..."" Lambs: ""..."" Hannibal Lecter: ""Much better."""
"should probably not think about sad things at work i mean who wants to buy a dildo from someone who was clearly just crying in the shoe room"
"Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard"
"I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!"
"""Why do bad things happen to good people?"" To even out the good things that happen to bad people."
"My Australian friend asked a Kiwi: ""What's a Hindu?"" ""...it lays iggs."""
"What does a redneck Buddhist believe in? Reintarnation."
"I call my penis Oscar Pistorius... ... it only goes inside for a disappointingly short period of time."
"What do you call an orange cat in summer? Shedder Cheese!"