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Joke of the Day

"Why do mermaids wear seashells for bras? Because a and b shells are too small."

"I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself."

"TIFU by getting arrested for taking a clock to school"

"Me: ""I feel like I'm 90 years old."" My Skin: ""Let's go through puberty again."""

"good parents A mother said to her son, ""Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving."" The son replied, ""Maybe he has good parents then!"""

"What are my views on lesbian relationships ? I view it in HD."

"How can you tell ignorance from indifference? I don't know and I don't care."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2 and I have no idea how they got in there!"

"Opinions are like assholes.. Everybody's got one; Most of them aren't that pretty; and No one needs another one."

"Remember when we were all like ""FACEBOOK MOVIE WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE?!'"