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Joke of the Day

"What did the homeless yogi say when told to leave the yoga studio? Nah, I must stay."

"All life is precious. Unless you're an accountant, then you welcome sweet death."

"Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor."

"I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that shit."

"You know what celebrity they should get for Dancing With the Stars? That plastic bag from American Beauty."

"A shitty geometry joke What do you call a fancy bisexual scottish cane? An anglo biscepter"

"Someone angrily told me ""You're so sarcastic!"" That would be like me angrily telling a woman ""You're so beautiful!"""

"Did you hear Buzz Lightyear was arrested? He was charged with battery."

"Whats The Difference Between A Pick-Pocketer And A Peeping Tom? One snatches watches, and the other watches snatches!"

"Whenever an automatic hand dryer doesn't turn on for me, I like to think my diet is really working."