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Joke of the Day

"The Starbucks in my town just hired a Jewish barista... He brews."

"[planning for wedding] i found us a remote location ""Omg where?"" *points to fanny pack stapled to wall above TV* The remote goes there now"

"Sitting Indian Style When I was in third grade the teacher told us to sit Indian Style. So I drank a 30 case of beer and laid in a gutter."

"What do you call a crazy professor? an academia nut"

"Why did I quit my job in Mexico? It didn't peso well."

"Why was the Shire so shocked when Bilbo threw himself and Sam into Mt. Doom? They were the first citizens they ever lost to a Mordor-suicide like that."

"Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a huge bird unlike any we've ever seen before! What kind of bird is that? Just look at that bird!"

"Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now."

"Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months? A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years."

"Two antennas met on a roof... After a while they fell in love and in a few years time the antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great!"