168425

Joke of the Day

"*installs google translate* *looks at Arabic tweets for jokes to steal* *finds half my tweets doing better than mine*"

"What is grey and comes in quarts? An elephant"

"What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? About one U.S Leader."

"It's ok to laugh during sex...just don't point."

"I saw that you ""liked"" my status. You want me, don't you?"

"Me: how much is all the money in the world? Genie: not sure exactly Me: give me a ballpark figure POOOF *I'm now the size of Shea Stadium"

"What kind of Pokemon hides in the bushes outside of delis? Peek-a-Jew"

"I've just been to a concert put on by the Bermuda philharmonic orchestra. Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared."

"Every year I end up have so much Thanksgiving leftovers.. Not this year though. I'm quitting cold turkey"

"Ok doc, give it to me straight. ""It's cancer"" How bad? ""Really bad, you have 2 months."" OMG ""APRIL FOOLS!"" Whew- ""You have 2 days."""