148935

Joke of the Day

"How is being a middle manager like being stuck in a tree full of monkeys? Whenever you look down, all you see is grinning faces. Whenever you look up, all you see is assholes."

"Go see American Sniper. Or go to your buddy's house and watch him play Call of Duty for two hours"

"Justin Bieber said to be just devastated to hear the news on the Boston marathon . . . . . .but hopes that everyone involved are fans."

"What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships? ""Have a good one, son."""

"When I hear the term ""Flash Mob"" I think of old Italian gangsters wearing nothing but trench-coats."

"94% of women will preface their parallel parking with, ""I suck at parallel parking."""

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles"

"Front page of cnn.com features ""Cats that look like Hitler"". Just not enough other important stuff happening in the world, I guess."

"My experience with organized crime was getting two friends to help me tip a vending machine while I reached up inside for chips."

"Why does lightning always strike trees? They are the path of leaf resistance."