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Joke of the Day

"MAMA Be quiet Freddie JUST KILLED A MAN As your lawyer I- PUT A GUN AGAINST HIS HEAD Just- PULLED THE TRIGGER- We plead guilty, Your Honor"

"I wonder how many crimes The Muppets have kermitted."

"They should call Jupiter JEWpiter Because its a gas planet."

"One of the toughest parts of adulthood is figuring out how to stay friends with people who post too many selfies"

"Why did the worlds shortest feminist burn down a post shop? Because the mail was always above her."

"Her: Did you hear that eating curry can get rid of bad memories? Me: So I should take you out for Indian AFTER we have sex?"

"16 and Pregnant? How come I didn't get my own show when I was 16? ""16 and smart enough to use a rubber."""

"Did you hear Daft Punk is partnering with NASA to solicit bids from contractors? They're up all night to get Lockheed."

"What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."

"My wife was almost killed by a clock today, it fell onto the chair just as she stood up. Damn clock was always too slow."