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Joke of the Day

"I hate how there's virgin olive oil and there's extra virgin olive oil. There was either a dick in it or there wasn't. There's no such thing as extra lack of penis."

"the C in CNN stands for cterrible"

"My mom has always assured me that when my dad died in the towers on 9/11, that the image of my face would have been the second last thing going through his head The last thing was the ceiling."

"I knew a guy who was dyslexic... ...but he was also cross-eyed, so everything came out right."

"I've been stung by a bee."

"Damn girl are you a Rubik's cube? Because fuck you, you stupid piece of shit."

"Yay know, I'm no pedophile, but this childporn charge is some bullshit... Since when was it illegal search for euthanasia?"

"Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck asshole."

"How many crackheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one more."

"There's a police officer trying to get me to roll down my window. I'm calling the cops."