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Joke of the Day

"Friends: ""I need a new profile picture."" Me: ""I need a new face."""

"Evening news is where they begin with Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."

"What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? A PILOT, YOU RACIST!"

"Arthur Miller underratedly sucked at naming characters. ""Biff""?? ""Happy""?? Dude, take five more minutes."

"I can't wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend."

"You know at first, I didn't like the mold I found on my skin. But then it started to grow on me."

"My friend asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange. I declined because I have Stranger Things to watch."

"A baby seal walks into a club... and is escorted outside due to being underage. (Sorry if this is a repost, I've never seen this joke here before.)"

"If you ever get a job at a bank, take care not to slice your hand open while handling notes and coins. If that happens, you'll be sure to get a pay cut."

"I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt."