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Joke of the Day

"*returns lost dog* Lady: That's not him. He was white Me: *holding a brown dog* He asked to swing by the salon. Add the color to my reward"

"I so want to be in a relationship. I want to account for everything I do. Answer to someone when I come home late. And get dragged over the coals for not calling a hundred times a day."

"After the recent wave of Trump primary victories, what did Nancy Reagan request for her funeral before she died? To be laid to rest beside the remains of the Republican party"

"if it's not a failure it sucks ass"

"Did you hear about the 100lb midget with the 50lb balls? He was half nuts."

"Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races. So they called it Running Dummy."

"What do you call an Irishman sitting on your veranda? Patty O'Furniture."

"Horse-drawn carriages are pretty cool but the horses should learn to draw other stuff"

"Teacher: What is the unit of energy? Students: Yes!"

"NSFL NSFW It's a dead baby joke... NSFL NSFW What's worse than a dead baby in a microwave?... The guy masturbating just outside the microwave..."