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Joke of the Day
"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y"
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"I doubt this is what the financial advisors meant when they told Lays to... adjust for inflation."
"What comes between fear and sex? Funf."
"Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL"
"John Snow really knows the way to a guy's heart."
"For my birthday... For my birthday I got myself glasses. So my observational comedy's really improved"
"If you can recite the alphabet backwards to a police officer they will arrest you for fingering a minor."
"Boss: I've been told one of you is just a robot car in disguise *everyone stares at me, even Optimus who is drinking oil instead of coffee*"
"Do you like pudding? Bill Cosby like pudding his dick where it didn't belong."
"[I wake up next to a fishing net full of salmon] But that means... [Cut to fisherman at sea, with my dreamcatcher full of howling goblins]"