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Joke of the Day

"OCTOPUS: *places tentacle on Bible* JUDGE: Do u swear to tell the truth? O: Yes BAILIFF: *spends like 8 minutes trying to get Bible unstuck*"

"I never knew what nationality Santa was until now. I just found out that he is actually North Polish."

"My wife told me to stop singing Wonderwall I said Maybe"

"Ok everyone enough of your ""family"" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family."

"Life isn't about the moments that take our breath away. That's asthma. You're thinking of asthma."

"What do you call a pepper in late autumn? A little chili"

"Found out today that you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jellyroll stain. Sorry, fat stranger."

"""I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"""

"[Record Shop] Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors? Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits clear in case of emergencies."

"What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wipes his butt."