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Joke of the Day

"The boy and the priest. A touching story."

"[seaside wedding] We are gathered here today to celebrate the- [bride picked up by giant seagull] -completion of the ritual. HAIL GULLTHRAX"

"Why did the Orange stop rolling? It ran out of juice!!!"

"What's the difference between a hippopotamus and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter."

"Remember: You can kill someone and wear their skin as a suit, but it's not identity theft until you use their debit card. Be smart about it."

"Where do Mathematicians sail? Indices."

"The versatile gay actor wanted to be cast in both ""A Christmas Carol"" and ""A Midsummer Nights Dream"" So he could be both a Bottom and a Topper."

"I can give out my number and I bet 8152898509 dollars my phone will still be dry."

"So my pen died today... Unfortunately, it was decapitated."

"They called their son Honest Abe, because he was honest. They called their daughter Bloody Mary..."