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Joke of the Day

"Man, you don't know how hard it is to quit smoking It's as hard as it is to start flossing - Mitch Hedberg I miss this man every day :("

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"Nothing more American than getting on an airport's ""moving walkway"" and standing still as it slowly carries you to a Cinnabon."
"WATSON: do you even have a proper education? SHERLOCK: Elementary, my dear Watson WATSON: but, like, beyond that SHERLOCK: nah"
"Why did the fish swim off of the waterfall? For the Halibut."
"""I deleted that tweet because I've really grown as a writer in the past 7 minutes and it's just not up to my current standards"""
"Did you hear about the man who got sick at the airport? It was a terminal illness."
"[bank] Robber: EVERYONE GET DOWN! Me: [crying] my wife left & my kids think I'm a joke Robber: No I mean- Robber2: Wait! Let him finish"
"What are the inhabitants of Crete called? Cretins!"
"My girlfriend said last night ""Fuck me like a man"" So I putted in her ass and started calling her George"
"What's Shaking? Not Ali...."
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