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Joke of the Day

"Dr: You've gained some weight Me: You said I should take it easy Dr: That was a yr ago & you were sick Me: WELL I'M NOT A MIND READER"

"Diary June 28 1954 So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can't tell anybody this. June 30 1954 I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok"

"A boy bought some Tesco burgers from the canteen, The dinnerlady asked what he wanted on them. The boy replied: ""I'll have 5 each way!"""

"How many planets are there in the solar system? There used to be nine, then there was eight and when I'm done with Uranus there'll be seven."

"If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it... A hipster bought the soundtrack."

"What's really good in having sex with 26 years old girls? there are 20 of them!"

"What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk ? Dirty looks from the mouse !"

"Plays tetris. Gets a circle."

"My parent trap worked perfectly. I now have five parents."

"""Beatles or Stones?"" I asked my son. ""Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?"" he pleaded"