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Joke of the Day

"""Beatles or Stones?"" I asked my son. ""Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?"" he pleaded"

"Why do women wear perfume and makeup? Because they stink and they're ugly."

"[planning heist] Me: We'll need the element of surprise. Neil deGrasse Tyson: [appears] Actually, such an element does not exist. Hi, I'm Ne"

"What's the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer? The taste."

"They say when you find a sea shell, pick it up, and put it to your ear, you can hear the ocean. Do you know why that is? Cause you're on the fuckin beach."

"I told this girl I'd date the shit out of her But I guess she doesn't like coprophiles."

"I wanted a dog. My wife wanted a cat. We had to compromise so we got a cat."

"Scottage Cheese"

"I get this girl to come home with me. I'm in bed with her and then she tells me ""Just the tip."" Jokes on her, that's all I got."

"If she's wong.... she cant be white."