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Joke of the Day

"Dog: [Barks at the mailman] Human: Bad dog. Dog: [Turns to the camera] My human hates bills, yet gets mad when I try to scare the guy off."

"*calls 911* Hey, I found some big guns. *Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*"

"I've been eating this memory foam for weeks now and I can't even remember why I'm still eating memory foam"

"Why does a rooster watch TV ? For hentertainment !"

"What do you call oral sex with a fresh corpse? A David Blowie."

"Knock Knock, Who's there Jesus, Jesus who, You haven't heard the good word of the Lord, I have some wonderful pamphlets to show you to the ways of God"

"Mario Bros. Plumbing (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfri.... (Read More)"

"Wife leaves: Ok. Wifi leaves: NOOOOOOOOOO. I can change!"

"I'm always frank with my sexual partners. Don't want them knowing my real name!!"

"I made you a cake. I also ate it for you."