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Joke of the Day

"They discovered a new mummy in an Egyptian pyramid. He was found wrapped in chocolate and golden foil. They believe his name is Pharaoh Rocher."

"What does a doctor say to the new father of a stillborn child? Close, but no cigar."

"Writers who become addicted to pseudonyms have to join Anonymous Anonymous."

"What did the astronaut get instead of athlete's foot? Missile Toe"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, Not screaming and on fire like his passengers"

"What did Chris Brown say to Rihanna the first time he saw her? I'd hit it"

"Sometimes all I'm really doing with my life is just trying to make it from one weekend to the next."

"Just saw The Martian. If Matt Damon was alone on Mars, who was filming him that whole time? Clearly fake"

"Ma'am...we're going to have to ask you to get off of the table. Ma'am... (me, trying to cuddle with my bacon cheese fries)"

"It must be 1929... Because my econ homework has me in a severe depression."